He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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