I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize