You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
