i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
