i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
