suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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