You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
