She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
