You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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