the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Holy sore nipples Batman
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
