I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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