Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i dont even know how to be here
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
