So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
