Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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