i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
