Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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