Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
