I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
