I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
