I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
