4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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