did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
