Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
