Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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