Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
