Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
