Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize