I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
