ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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