i don't like sucking hair
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am one with the molecules
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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