Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
