He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
