so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
