After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize