She announced her abortion via fbk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize