Got a toothbrush?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
