i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm getting married
To pizza
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
