She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
