I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
