I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
