Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
