I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
