Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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