Pappa wants mamma naked
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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