Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
