so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
