I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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