i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
