He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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