If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the raccoons are back...
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