i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize