this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
