i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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