You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
