Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
