you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize