The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
