dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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