I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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