i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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