I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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