I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
