hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
