What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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