I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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