Don't you send me to vm
You made me cry and you don't even care
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
