yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
