You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize