I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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