DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
