You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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