I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
