I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
