you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
