Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
