Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
