apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize