i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
