some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
