the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
