so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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