Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
