What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
