just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
