Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
