There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
