His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
