Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
