I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
