well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize