i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
