I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize