Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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