That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
