it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
