This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
