I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
