I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
