Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
