i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
