I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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