can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
